Cancer, I don't like you...

"Are you sitting down?"  Well, wait, let me back up.  A few weeks before Christmas, Merril noticed that one of his testicles was enlarged. He didn't say anything to me about it because it was Christmas time and everything was busy and he thought that maybe he had injured himself on his motorcycle at the sand dunes. During the beginning of January, he asked if I had noticed that one of his testicles was bigger than the other one. I said that I hadn't really noticed that but now that he mentioned it, it did look bigger than the other one. He called one of his search and rescue buddies that's an ER doc at the hospital.  Dr. Crosby recommended taking ibuprofen for the next three days and see if maybe it was swelling and they could get it to go down. So he takes the ibuprofen and nothing changes. The ER doc orders an ultrasound and tells Merril to call him when had the ultrasound done.  Dr. Crosby could then pull up it at his home and look at it. I had gone to a movie with my mom and sisters and so when I got out of the movie there was a text message from Merril that said to call him. While I'm driving home he asked if I was sitting down. I said that I was because I was driving and he said it looks like it's not swelling and it's not a fluid-filled pocket but it's testicular cancer. I'm immediately crying, I can barely breathe. I'm holding on to the steering wheel and decide to pull over into a parking lot because I don't feel like I'm safe to drive. He was coming from the doctor's house because the doctor had told him that he looked up the scan from home and that he needed Merril to go to his house to talk to him about it. He drove to his house while I was in the movie and that's when he  learned he had cancer. Merril was driving home from the doctor's house when he called me and so I sat in the parking lot and he kept telling me it was going to be okay.  Cancer....cancer.......CANCER.  That's all I can hear.  About 10 minutes later he pulled up in the parking lot and he hugged me while it rained on us. We got into one of the cars and talked for a minute and then we drove home. We had a doctor's appointment with a urologist a few days later and he looked at the scan and said that it for sure had cancer and that he recommended surgery to remove one of the testicles.  The urologist, Dr. Taylor, told me not to worry about this.  This type of cancer has a very high recovery rate, almost 95%.  If you're going to get cancer, this is the one to get.  Doctor's office selfies:

We set a date for the following Thursday and he recommended that we get insurance if we could. We got insurance and we were all ready for his surgery.  I couldn't wait to get that part of him out that was causing me all sorts of misery.  Merril spiked a fever Wednesday night in the middle of the night and I was so frustrated that he could not have surgery the following day. The best plan was to postpone for another week until he had recovered from his fever.  

Adam Fluckiger and Darrell Wright came to give Merril a blessing the morning he spiked a fever. I'd been emotional all week, on the verge of tears every 2 minutes.  When they gave the blessing, I felt very calm.  I felt strength, something I had been lacking.  I could feel that everything was going to be okay.  If that meant he died, then we would be okay.  If he lived, we would be okay. The blessing was for me as much as him.  After that, I was better about the whole ordeal.  I didn't worry as much.  

Some thoughts:  My poor kids.  Their Dad has cancer.  How do I raise 5 kids on my own?  Mark wouldn't even remember him; he's so small.  So thankful we have a lot of life insurance on him.  We'd be okay.  We will be okay.  He's going to make it. *deep breath*